NaNoWriMo 15

As another NaNoWriMo starts to draw to a close I find that I have a few days left.  I might be able to get a last minute spurt in and get very close to the 50k, but I really have no guarantee of that.  And I know a large part of that is the irregularity that I allow in my life.  I don't read every day.  I don't write every day.  I think that is a determent.  It's something that I want to get better at.  Even if it is only a hundred words that I write and a page that I read, I think doing those kinds of things are important and should never be overlooked so that is my goal.

In the next year, I want to just set up a pattern for myself.  To write.  To read.  To do those things that I love and have started to neglect in my life.  I actually have a blog where I do write reviews of books that I have read.  So I am hoping to revive Life of a Book Addict.  I have a few books that I am reading so I do have a few that should hopefully soon be ready to go up on the blog.  As for my writing, I have another old blog (not that this has ever been a pattern or trend in my life) that I am hoping to revitalize tonight before I write my first blog post.  It is called The Wellspring.  That one was created back in 2013 when I decided it was a good idea to try and write 1 million words in a year.  Not a bad idea, but honestly, one that I did not succeed in well at all.  This goal is far more conversative, and I'd like to think, more practical.

I just want to do this for myself.  And if you'd like to follow me on the journey here and on those other blogs as well, it would be appreciate.  Support is never a bad thing.

Trying to Work on It

So, I looked back at my writing habits of late and they're not that great.  Sure I can make the excuse that I'm trying to get a manager position at my job right now (application is already submitted just waiting to hear that it is a for sure thing), but really it is just that.

It's an excuse.

I hate making excuses, but it seems like I do it a lot.  And that's really a bad thing.  Especially when I sit and watch these movies based off books or I read these amazing books and I keep thinking: I want that to be me.  My muse is ready.  It's there, I just have to push myself into that position.  I know I do.  I know that I can which is even more important.

And I really have to get out of that.  I have so many ideas and I even have one that's ready, I just, I don't want to publish it without something else waiting to join it in the next few months or however long it ends up being.  I don't want to be that person who puts up a story that clearly builds into a world and then never add anything to it.  That never seems right to me.

So, I have to fix that.  I really do.  I have to find a way to schedule time.  Motivation and reward and all of that.  Writing makes me happy.  It brings me alive.  It fills me with something that I can't explain and I refuse to give up on it and just let it go.  That means I have to come up with a plan and go for it.  I can't hold back.  And I have been.  I have been doing it for a long time.

I really need to stop that.  It's not good for me.  In the least.  I don't think it's good for anyone to hold back when it comes to what they really love.  So to writing I go.  If I keep holding back, it's gonna kill me.

It's Worth a Thought

So I'm trying an experiment at the moment and I'm finding it to be a rather interesting one.  I have decided that I am going to take a notebook and start handwriting a story.  I haven't done this kind of thing in a very long time.  But there is a kind of method behind the madness actually.  Basically the idea is that I am going to write the whole story by hand.  sure it'll take a while, but I think it will be worth it.  I won't be able to backspace which is a good thing.  I'll just have to take it as it goes.

Basically the idea is that I'll write up the whole story and then after it's finished I will type it up and that way I can edit it as it goes.  At least that is the hope.  We'll see how that actually goes in the end.  It's way too early in the process to decide if this will actually work or not.  I think the key to all of it is to make sure that I don't abandon it like I have done the sacred notebooks, at least for the time being.

Most people do not know of the existence of the sacred notebooks.  No, they're not some kind of relic or anything like that.  It's actually one of my oldest stories that I still have.  Unfortunately, I lost a lot of my writing from middle school due to an unfortunate incident involving a neighbor and the police that I prefer not to go into.  And for a while it seems like I really didn't write very much because I can't seem to find many things from my freshman year of high school though that could also have had to do with moving twice within two years.

The earliest story that I still have lurking around these days it the sacred notebooks.  They're falling apart and in serious need of finishing, but it was the start of me taking fairy tales and stories and twisting them to how I want.  Which is honestly what I do when I write.  I love the twists and turns.  And as a good friend, who also writes, very recently told me, we all have something that makes our stories unique.  Something that we throw in no matter what genre we're writing.  I'd like to think that is what I do.  Of course there is probably more to it, but I'll have to figure that out as time goes and I write more.

And I fully intend to write more.  Who knows, maybe one day I'll even finish the story contained within the sacred notebooks.

A New Project

So I have started a new project.  Again.  That happens a lot.  I have this really bad habit of starting new projects all the time and setting aside the old ones.  It's not necessarily a bad habit, but the problem lies in that I don't always pick the only projects back up.  I really need to get out of that habit.  And I am trying.  I've been bringing back up old projects as well as trying to force myself to edit even though, if I'm going to be honest, I really don't like to do it.  But I think that just comes with the territory.  Anyway, I wanted to share about this new project and hopefully get some feedback.

I do not have a name for it yet or anything like that.  Actually I don't have much of anything on it.  I simply know it is about one of my older characters.  Not older as in age as in she has been floating around my head as this this lovely little benevolent bit of light for a very long time.  So I suppose I should introduce you all to Malak Aarle.  I am not sure how old she will be this time around.  I've played her anywhere between sixteen years of age to about twenty-three.  It makes for a fairly wide age gap and leaves a lot open.  Malak's family is kind of a pet project of mine and has been since I first created her for role-playing on a Harry Potter site probably six years ago.  I have to say that I love Malak very dearly.

The family's main history starts with her grandfather, Falco Aarle.  Falco was born and raised in the Netherlands, a son of modest folk who married a woman from his homeland.  During World War II (see this is where I start dating things), he stepped forward as a spy against the German and became heavily involved in various political intrigues.  He sent his wife and parents to live in England to make sure that they remained safe while he did some very dangerous and clever things that he has never divulged to anyone except for, sometimes, proper channels of government.

After the way was over, he joined his family in England and settled down with his wife having two children with her, a son named David and a daughter.  His children were raised in England though he did still teach them them his native language of Dutch.  For all his children knew, their father was a botanist.  He worked very closely with plants and consulted with the government on various matters.  They never knew of his darker past or even his involvement in things like the Cold War.

David grew up with a very normal life and went into architecture.  He moved down to Saudi Arabia as a contractor shortly after he left school which was where he met a rather modern Arab woman named Ayda.  The two ended up married and while still in Saudi Arabia, Ayda gave birth to twins who they named Malak and Aeyldis.  When their daughters were two, the couple moved back to England near Falco and his wife.  Within the next four years, Ayda gave birth to two other children, Karim and DeWitt.  David's sister had stayed closer to home marrying a banker and giving birth to a little girl a year after Malak and Aeyldis who they named Emerald.

As you can see, I've always given a lot of thought to Malak and her family.  Now the problem doesn't lie with figuring any of that out.  I know her background and when I write about her, it will probably be when she is in her twenties since some very important things happen around the time she is eighteen.  However, the most interesting aspect of writing Malak, since apparently she has already decided the story shall be in first person, is that she is blind.  It brings the story into a new perspective.  Everything in writing is so much about building pictures and here you have a woman who can only do that with her mind.  I'm not sure how I'm going to write it or even what, so far, the story will be about, but I do know that drawing the reader in with a blind narrator should be the most challenging part of all.

Should I go forward with it at all?  I suppose that is the question that I find myself needing the answer to the most.  I very much want to.  I've always wanted to write about Malak, but the question is does anyone even really want to read about her?

Here I Go Again

I know more excuses.  Anyone who reads this is probably tired of hearing them.  Almost a much as I'm tired of making them.  Not sure which of us is ahead on that scale yet.  I haven't quite decided that yet.  But that can come later.  After all this post is certainly not about the weight of one's annoyance versus another.  It is about the excuses.

Or what some people would call what I've been doing with my life.

So I very recently got a job which is good.  It's very good.  It should, hopefully, mean more money than I've been getting from unemployment which makes me very happy.  My friend bought me a pretty new laptop too!  I now no longer have the excuse of an evil keyboard.  Instead, I have a very pretty laptop with Windows 8 that I adore.  I also flew down to California last weekend for my grandparent's vow renewal which was really cool.  But as you can imagine this has left me not only busy, but very poor as well.

Alright, poor doesn't really have anything to do with it.  And even the busy isn't that much of an excuse.  My job is only part-time after all.  I'm just lazy and I'm good at making excuses.  I am a very shameful soul and I apologize to all for that.  But I am being forced into a situation where laziness and excuses can no longer be allowed.

So I suppose I should start there.

So my first year down here in Texas which would be 2011 for those of you who don't know, I won my very first NaNoWriMo.  I was very proud of myself and after editing the novel, I used my five free copies from CreateSpace to print it.  And then I kind of left it alone.  I gave out a few of the copies but I've always held one back for my mother.  I gave it to her this past Sunday while she was down in California for that same Vow Renewal.

I gave this book to my mother before Church.  I'm still not sure if that was a mistake or not.  I know I would have forgotten if I didn't, but at the same time, what followed was both good and bad.  I should continue to explain otherwise I'll just speculate and no one will have any idea what I'm actually talking about.

The church that I went to while my family lived in Southern California so many years ago, is the one that my grandparents still attend.  It's a smaller church now, but the people are good and remember me well.  At the end of services, before everyone is dismissed, they do announcements.  And those who have announcements can either tell someone before all of this or they can stand up (raise their hand maybe) to be called upon to give their announcement.

My dear, sweet mother raised her hand and when called upon by my grandfather who was giving the announcements, proceeded to tell everyone that I had something I would like to announce.  I then stood up, having been backed into a corner and told everyone that within the last few years I had written a novel and had self-published it.

After service was dismissed, people started coming up to me and asking me random questions about it, how they could get it.  It has now been decided that I shall be ordering copies and selling them to people.  This is good, very exciting.  I mean I love the story itself and this will force me to work on the stories that come after it.  But at the same time, it's not how I thought things would turn out.

I guess that is the way that life is.  It's not always going to be the way that we expect it to be.  And thinking that it will be is rather silly actually.  We can't assume that we know the way that life will turn out.  And that is something that I am having to face.  I think that is what is making me panic so much about all of it.  I had this clear thought of things and my first novel to be known and wanted by people was certainly never a historical novel.  I guess that is what I get for thinking.

I really need to stop doing that thinking stuff.  It's clearly bad for me.

Camp NaNoWriMo and Individualism

So we are almost a week into Camp NaNoWriMo and I have to say that I love how it is set up.  I know that there were some people who were a little upset that they had moved the camp to April since a lot of school events do happen around this time, but I think that they adding in the feature to choose your won word count, it allows you to set your own pace.  I've seen word count goals as low as thirty thousand words which, might seem like a lot, but that is only a thousand word a day so about three pages a day.  And there are, no doubt, word count goals that are even lower than that.  It all depends on how much time you have on your hands.

Though the site does not have it's own forums, you can find those on the main NaNoWriMo site, it does allow for the Cabins which are really fun.  It's just a concentrated group of about six people participating in the current session.  Sometime it's a group of writers from one genre or a group with a similar word count goal or jut a group of friends.  Whatever brings this group together, it is a very intimate way to keep in touch with each other and to give encouragement which, in my opinion, is very necessary when you're trying to push yourself towards any goal.

Of course self-motivation is also an important factor.  You have to know your limits while, at the same time, knowing how you can push them.  This is actually a very delicate balance.  It might not seem like a lot, but it is something so very important.  Most people don't really think about it mostly because we either settle for what we know we know we can do or we push ourselves far beyond what we have been able to do before. This is general insanity.  We're repeating the same actions without changing anything and we're surprised that nothing changes.

Then again, a little inanity can go a long way.  It all requires a bit of a balance.  Sometimes it's more sane than insane and sometimes it's more insane than sane.  It all depends on what work best for you.  Play with pushing yourself and with coasting.  Play with your wordings and how silly or realistic you want your writing to be.  Not everyone enjoys the same type of writing, the same genres.  In the same way, not every writers i going to be able to write in the same way or style.  The sooner that you accept that and find your own style, the better off you are.  This is something I've found from my own experience.  And something I thought I would share on the tale end of everything.

Sometimes...

So I think that my laptop is trying to go out on me.  At least the keyboard.  Since yesterday or maybe before actually, some of my keys, particularly the lovely "s" that I love to use for so many words, has not been detecting when I type it thus causing me to do it several times.  At first I thought, hey maybe it's a crumb.  This happens sometimes as I have been of the terrible and very bad habit of eating around my laptop.  I just don't like to take the time to eat properly alright.  I know it's a habit I need to get out of, but I don't really like taking those kind of breaks.

Unfortunately, it doe not seem to be a crumb.  It jut seems to be the key not wanting to work properly.  I don't know why.  I am really hoping that my laptop holds out for me though since right now I honestly can't afford to replace it.  I have to find a job first and unemployment is not enough to replace my laptop no matter how much I might or might not need a new one.

I also found the wonderful news that my parents are actually going to be coming down the first week of May.  They told me they were coming down in May but they never told me when.  They said they would get back to me.  Found out from my step-sister.  Thank you mom and dad who still do not know that I am currently unemployed.  I do not want them to know either.  I do not want to have that conversation.  I know how it will go and how it will end.  That kind of stress simply isn't worth it.  I've already been to the hospital once for throwing up blood, never again thank you!

So, as you can imagine I am having to write this post more carefully than normal since I have to catch every letter that doesn't want to type itself up.  It actually gets really annoying after a while.  Alright, it gets really annoying really quickly if I am going to be honest.  It makes me want to strangle and or beat my laptop but since I kind of need it, I am jut trying to remind myself to breath.  I mean it does still function so I shouldn't really complain that much.  Beside, this isn't my whining blog, this is my writing blog and I should be talking about that.

So tonight at midnight starts the April session of Camp NaNoWriMo and I have to say that I am very excited.  It's nice because you get to choose your own word count.  As I have no job and thus no life, I have decided to shoot for at least 85,000 words.  I'll actually be working on two stories so that should help but the problem is that I can only work on one at a time.  And of course you would ask: Now why would you do something like that?

Well, the answer is because they are book one and two of a series.  You see it making sense now?  You see, I am going back to a very old story idea.  It was actually originally a short story idea.  I was actually writing it for a contest at the time.  I was in love with the idea.  I had started it on paper and then started working on it solely on a computer.  At the time, I had no laptop of my own which makes it older than I originally though.  It puts it back to Spring of 2008, a year older than I thought.  Well, I kept the story on a flash drive I had received from the college I was attending.  One day whilst coming from Chapel, it was a Christian college, the flash drive must have fallen from my pocket and someone stole it because I never found it again.  It was devastating for me.

I still had the parts that I had diligently put on paper, but having lot all of that progress took a lot out of me and so I put the story to the side.  I also somehow managed to lose papers since 08 and now.  So basically I am starting this story from scratch and have decided to expand and enliven all of the characters and especially the original idea.  I can't believe I ever thought I could do it in less than 30,000 words.  Looking back now, I see that clearly the story simply wasn't ready.  It is the only reason that I can figure I must have lost it.  The characters were giving me a sign.

Actually I'm just saying that to make myself feel better.  Really it was utterly devastating   I hate losing any part of a story no matter the length of time.  But now it will have new life and hopefully I won't stab my laptop to death in the mean time.

Wish me luck!

I'm Good at Excuses

So clearly I have not been writing lately.  Almost a month at this point which is really not good for you when you love writing as much as I do which I know a lot of you out there do.  I have been writing, but it's been for my roleplay sites which isn't a bad thing.  It's really good for socializing and it's also very good for character development.  So I won't knock it, but I haven't been focusing on my actual writing either which is the bad thing.

And I'm really good at making excuses for why I'm not writing or why I can put it off another day.  I'll even just sit there and kind of stare at a document sometimes and say well I can't think of anything so maybe I'll try again later.  And that is not the way that it is supposed to work when it comes to writing and I know that very well.  So I guess at this point there is no real excuse.  I have to stop doing this to myself.  I have to start sitting down and forcing myself to write unlike I have been.  Which means working on everything.  It'll help in  less than two weeks when Camp NaNoWriMo starts.  Of course I'll have to kick my butt into gear and write about ten times what I would normally write which is good for me because I think I need it.

I need to start looking at my writing more seriously.  I have the free time to do it these days.  That is what happens when you get laid off.  Not that I'm not still looking for a job.  I wouldn't be getting unemployment if I wasn't looking.  But when I'm not hunting there is no reason why I can't be writing or editing.  I have to get through my novels and start actually getting them ready for a point where I could reasonably publish them which is definitely something that I want.  It is a goal that I have never forgotten despite my failings in the area of my writing.

I am getting back into my writing though.  Just last night I decided to dust off an old idea and see if I could breath some new life into it.  I have actually been doing that quite a bit this year.  I am doing that for my Camp novel as well for the novel idea that I am developing for the Two Year Novel Course on FM Writers. So honesty I think that everything is working out really well.  Now the key is if I can keep the momentum or not.

Coming Back Again

So I decided to swing by my blog today when I realized that I have been failing miserably on my whole goal of writing in this blog once a week.  In my own defense I have had some issues with my life that have come up lately, but honestly that should have pushed me closer to writing and not further from it.  And I know that looking at it.  Logically I can see that, but I guess logic isn't always something that we look at.

Over this last month I was laid off from my job.  I loved it.  But unfortunately the corporate office decided that there were too many people.  None of us had done anything wrong.  So they had to resort to the two of us who had been hired last and unfortunately I was one of them.  And that has been really hard for me.  I know that I have to find a new job, but I haven't been able to find anything.

I have applied, but I haven't been able to get a job yet.  And it's affecting me.  I know that it is.  I didn't even cry or throw a fit when I was laid off.  I think I've been burying it.  I haven't felt anything at all about it.  And I hate that.  I know that I should be able to feel something.  I know that I should have been upset.  The other girl was and I wish that I could have been as well.  But I have nothing.  It's like I died a little inside instead.

I died and I haven't been able to admit it to myself.

And maybe that is why I haven't been able to get myself to write.  I've been so worked up about what I lost and not knowing how to express it that I have virtually stopped writing.  I guess I'm still doing some writing.  I have been role-playing, but that isn't the same.  And I know that.  I think it helps that I have started a collaboration project lately.  I'm part of a facebook group from a group of us from NaNoWriMo.  Myself and one of the other women are working on a fantasy novel together and we have just meshed really well.  We both have somehow managed to just combine our ideas brilliantly.  It makes for a beautiful process.

And it's really encouraging me too.  It makes me want to go back to my writing.  That is why I decided that I am going to retry Milwordy.  I was supposed to start back in January but I only made it a few days before my brain just kind of gave out on me.  So it left me with about twenty-four thousand words for an entire month and that is a rather pathetic accomplishment.  At least it is for me.  I know that for other people it is really good and I am very proud of them.  But for me I know that I can do better.

That's why I am going to be starting another blog.  I'll still be using this one and trying to get back to the once a week posting of it.  I think it helps me a lot.  It helps me to get my thoughts in order since so much of my life revolves around writing.  Besides, I like this blog.  I enjoy being so frank and just getting to say what's on my mind.  I can't really do that in real life.  I don't think any of us can because we have to play parts or else we push everyone away.  Sometimes because we're too honest and sometimes because we have to admit that they drive us insane.

My parents and my ex-boyfriend (God I wish that ex wasn't there) fit into two different categories there.

Only a Few More Hours

We are a few hours away from the New Years.  Or at least I am.  And I'm excited.  A little nervous for it, but very excited.  I really need to be productive but I have been very lazy today.  I would be lying if I said that I haven't been.  It's not necessarily a bad thing.  I have a lot of writing that I have to do tomorrow.  And I am determined to get that writing done.

I'm excited for this year.  This year's goal is actually for me to write a million words.  I know it's a lot.  But I have faith in myself.  Especially with the fact that I did manage to get a little over a hundred thousand back in November.  I just basically have to go back to that pace.  And I know that I can keep it up.  Especially if I continue my enthusiasm.  That is the key honestly.  I usually don't.  I know that is my problem.  Thus knowing the problem I do have more of a chance to fix it.  I am certain of it.

And it will be good for me.  If I don't set myself a goal that I am uncertain of than I won't know if I could ever do it.  I guess that  is why I want to push myself so hard.  And I have a group that I'm a part of now that will be there to encourage me the whole way.  So I know that I can do it.  So I just have to keep trying.

I know it's a really short one, but I thought I should at least say hello this week.  Happy New Year's!

Call It Progress

FIRST OFF!  Before I do anything else.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Alright, now that I have that out of my system, onto the rest of the blog.

So I have made some progress over the last few days.  Like I have updated a story on fictionpress.com.  You know it only took my like five or six months.  Which is actually better than some of my other records when it comes to fictionpress and fanfiction so I can't really complain too much in that area though I really do need to get better on that whole thing.

I also started a new story on fanfiction.net and deleted several other ones.  Sad, yes, but it is something I felt was necessary.  The ones that I might actually go back to I saved first though so that's a benefit right?  I mean I would like to think that I managed to do something right!  Of course I could be wrong and have utterly screwed up everything but stranger things have happened.

Anyway, I'm starting to get kind of excited for the new year mostly because I am hoping to actually do well this year for WriYe.  That being the year long spin-off of NaNoWriMo. It's unofficial, but still loads of fun and I am honestly looking forward to a lot of the stuff that I have planned for it.  I figure as long as I at least write a little bit every day I'll do a lot better than I did last year.  Not that that is saying something as I made about a third of my goal that I had for last year.  I am much ashamed of that fact.

But let's just hope that everything goes well.  Because with me, you never know.  I might not do what I'm supposed to and that would make me most sad.

Looking For Words After the End of the World

I'm not sure if we should be thanking Renegade and his wife or The Doctor for saving the world yesterday (100 points to whoever got that first reference and 50 for the second).

But since it has been saved, I did get to see the Hobbit last night.  It was amazing.  I loved it.  I'm such a nerd that I'm already planning a huge marathon for when all of the Hobbit is done starting with Unexpected Journey straight through Return of the King (extended editions of course).

But to the true point of all of this.  Despite my general laziness lately, I am very proud to say that I actually did write yesterday.  I wrote quite a bit actually.  Over eight thousand words I believe.  I was aiming for twelve, but The Hobbit called my name.  Well and my boyfriend when he arrived at the mall after work.  But I digress.

I'm really happy that I made myself write yesterday.  It got me through a lot of scenes that I might have put off which I really have to stop doing.  I have to treat this story much like the first.  I have to follow it through to the end no matter how much I may or may not like that conclusion.  But considering how things are going I have a feeling I am going to have to toss my trilogy idea out of the window.  And I really did think I could make this a trilogy.  But I don't think that I can anymore.  There is just too much in this world, too many characters too many paths to follow and ideas to discover.  Especially since even I am discovering new things about the world.

Can't mention what though.  Spoilers and all.

But with Christmas coming up and since I'm off three days in a row after 6:30 tonight, I think I am going to have to force myself to go through more scenes.  It's scary, but it's exciting.  I like discovering things about the characters and trying to figure out why some characters who were only in a scene or two in the book before might become important or have an impact that justifies the scenes that you saw them in before.  Though I'm still trying to figure out why I should let them live, but I am trusting these characters to tell me their stories and I am determined to see it all the way through to the end.  I owe them that much.

They trusted me with their words in the first place.  The least that I could do is make sure that I show them a proper justice.

Consistency

I have an issue with it.  There is no other way to explain it.  I think that I need an active challenge to actually force myself to do something day after day.  Such as a job that gives me a paycheck, or in the case of NaNo, a goal that is in sight.  Even the goals I tend to fall through on.  Though Texas has been pretty good for me on that area, another reason I'm certain I'm meant to be down here.  But this blog is about my writing and not the other issues in my life.  Unless of course they interfere with my writing, but that is another matter entirely.

God I'm rambling.

That might be because I've been up for less than an hour.  I'm going to use that excuse because it sounds better than anything else that I can think of.

So, last night I was writing (novel concept I know, and yes that pun can be counted though it wasn't fully realized at first) and I was having fun.  Fairly disappointed by one of the scenes.  I try to make them about 1,000 words each.  Alright, I should explain this before I get too far into this whole thing and have anyone who comes and actually reads this highly confused.  The latest novel I have been writing, I do an italicized scene with usually no names.  It's short, usually only like two to five hundred words.  Very rarely are there more.  And then I do two scenes which make up a chapter and are thus linked somehow.  Then repeat.  Well the action scenes are the ones that I am talking about.

The one that disappointed me only got out 622 words.  Looking back for the future of editing: I have no idea if I'd be able to make it longer.  It's a really simple and short scene.  I think I milked it for all I could without drawing it out and making it utterly boring and that would be bad for both pace and my sanity.  So, clearly that is not the option.  I must simply accept that it is a sad fail of a scene length though it did give me some fun play with one of the characters that wasn't very developed in the first novel.

But it's being made up for by the scene I'm working on right now.  I finally got back to the main city from the first book and I have to say that I really missed some of the characters there.  Have no idea what in the world that they're going to be doing in this novel considering where I left them in the last one, but I really do love them!

Shame on Me

So I'm supposed to be writing daily.  Not necessarily blogging daily, but at least writing and I haven't really been doing that.  That makes me a very terrible person.  I know that I need to remedy this, I just keep being lazy and not.  Instead I have been doing other things.  Like I have discovered this site called duolingo.  It's pretty awesome.  Basically you learn a language (right now it has the options for Spanish, French, and German with a Portuguese beta for us English speakers.  And while you learn you also work on translating web pages.  I have come to discover that the only part about it that really frustrates me is  when you have to use the computer's mic to record you saying something in the language.  For some reason it hates me and enjoys making me repeat the sentences over and over and over again before it will admit that I have them right.

It's a very distracting pastime, but it's one that I am coming to enjoy far too much.  So, that leaves me with the other things that I have been allowing to distract me.  I've gotten back into roleplaying.  It's like a drug, a terribly addicting drug.  It is also bad for my writing. I tend to not want to write when I roleplay.  And I know better.  I really do, but I can't seem to help it.  I love the company and I love the story lines that you can create.  So it won't be something that I plan to give up.  I guess that the key is for me to figure out how to balance the two.  I know it is possible.  I just have to be smarter than my desires.

Oh God that sounds like a terrible line.

Oh, I have also picked crocheting back up.  But that is a very good thing.  If I keep at it that means I can start up a side business and make myself some money and I want that.  I very much want to do that.  I just have been putting it off because I am very terribly lazy.  It's not good for me.  I know that, but it would be good if I did it.  And if I could write poetry I could sell that, but I think I need more practice with it.  I'm not very good at writing poetry in my opinion.  If I could get better and improve my penmanship than I would be in excellent condition.  I guess it's all about that perseverence thing.

At least I have my friend at work though.  Miss Emily has been very kind to me taking up on an offer and has started editing my NaNo novel for me.  I plan to edit it as well.  I'm just putting that off.  I have a very bad habit of doing that.  I don't like editing after all.  I'll have to though.  Especially since I have already started the sequel.  That part is going slow.  I think part of that is because I haven't actually been writing daily.  If I did than there wouldn't be a problem.  At least I would hope that there wouldn't be one.

Something Serious

I've decided that I seriously need to throw myself into writing again.  Reading is good.  Playing video games is great stress relief.  Work is essential.  But writing is something that I tend to have a bad habit of doing and then letting slide for several months at a time.  I can't continue to do that.  The more that I do that, the less likely that I will ever be to actually do what I want to do one day which is to be published.

And I know that's the goal of a lot of people who call themselves writes, but this is something I have wanted for years.  It's something I've wanted for as long as I have been writing which has been probably over ten years now.  No, definitely over ten years now.  It's weird to think that I've been writing that long and yet not that long at all.  Writing has become something so essential to me.  It's as much a part of me as breathing or eating.

But I'm really good at neglecting the things that I need in my life.

I guess that's the real reason why I slack, I have a bad habit of not caring about myself.  Because of that, I neglect the things that matter to me and inc this case, that would very sadly include my writing.  So my goal is to use this blog to force myself to write.  That and my lovely friend Emily.  She's amazing like that and since she does have access to me I know that she can bother me into writing and I can do it to her in return.  It's a great system and honestly I think it's something we both need.

Besides, why should I give up something I love so much, something that keeps me sane, just because I don't think I should be cared about.  And maybe I'll get into the habit of writing in this blog daily or weekly or something like that.  It might help to serve as motivation and I think that'll help me out a lot.

Apparently, Texas is very good for me because I have now been in this state for over a year and the first time I won NaNoWriMo was, you guessed it, right here in Texas.  It's as if the state has this miraculous hold on me.  And to make it that much more amazing, both times, I also managed to finish the novel in the very same month.  The first had a working title of London in the Spring, a coming-of-age historical adventure which will probably be edited again several more times.  This latest one, however, is i my pride and joy.  This year I wrote a novel that I call The Faithful, the first book in a series called the Prophecy of the Goddess.  I reverted back to my beloved fantasy genre but added a more dystopic twist to everything.

Thus you have a monster of a novel (over one hundred thousand words in total).  A monster that I am more than a little proud of.  I worked very hard on it.  And now I face the daunting task of both editing it and writing the first sequel.  I'm both excited and terrified at the prospect, but it also fills me with joy.  I guess that's how I know that I'm doing the right thing.  Nothing could make me happier than to do these things.