Here I Go Again

I know more excuses.  Anyone who reads this is probably tired of hearing them.  Almost a much as I'm tired of making them.  Not sure which of us is ahead on that scale yet.  I haven't quite decided that yet.  But that can come later.  After all this post is certainly not about the weight of one's annoyance versus another.  It is about the excuses.

Or what some people would call what I've been doing with my life.

So I very recently got a job which is good.  It's very good.  It should, hopefully, mean more money than I've been getting from unemployment which makes me very happy.  My friend bought me a pretty new laptop too!  I now no longer have the excuse of an evil keyboard.  Instead, I have a very pretty laptop with Windows 8 that I adore.  I also flew down to California last weekend for my grandparent's vow renewal which was really cool.  But as you can imagine this has left me not only busy, but very poor as well.

Alright, poor doesn't really have anything to do with it.  And even the busy isn't that much of an excuse.  My job is only part-time after all.  I'm just lazy and I'm good at making excuses.  I am a very shameful soul and I apologize to all for that.  But I am being forced into a situation where laziness and excuses can no longer be allowed.

So I suppose I should start there.

So my first year down here in Texas which would be 2011 for those of you who don't know, I won my very first NaNoWriMo.  I was very proud of myself and after editing the novel, I used my five free copies from CreateSpace to print it.  And then I kind of left it alone.  I gave out a few of the copies but I've always held one back for my mother.  I gave it to her this past Sunday while she was down in California for that same Vow Renewal.

I gave this book to my mother before Church.  I'm still not sure if that was a mistake or not.  I know I would have forgotten if I didn't, but at the same time, what followed was both good and bad.  I should continue to explain otherwise I'll just speculate and no one will have any idea what I'm actually talking about.

The church that I went to while my family lived in Southern California so many years ago, is the one that my grandparents still attend.  It's a smaller church now, but the people are good and remember me well.  At the end of services, before everyone is dismissed, they do announcements.  And those who have announcements can either tell someone before all of this or they can stand up (raise their hand maybe) to be called upon to give their announcement.

My dear, sweet mother raised her hand and when called upon by my grandfather who was giving the announcements, proceeded to tell everyone that I had something I would like to announce.  I then stood up, having been backed into a corner and told everyone that within the last few years I had written a novel and had self-published it.

After service was dismissed, people started coming up to me and asking me random questions about it, how they could get it.  It has now been decided that I shall be ordering copies and selling them to people.  This is good, very exciting.  I mean I love the story itself and this will force me to work on the stories that come after it.  But at the same time, it's not how I thought things would turn out.

I guess that is the way that life is.  It's not always going to be the way that we expect it to be.  And thinking that it will be is rather silly actually.  We can't assume that we know the way that life will turn out.  And that is something that I am having to face.  I think that is what is making me panic so much about all of it.  I had this clear thought of things and my first novel to be known and wanted by people was certainly never a historical novel.  I guess that is what I get for thinking.

I really need to stop doing that thinking stuff.  It's clearly bad for me.

Sometimes...

So I think that my laptop is trying to go out on me.  At least the keyboard.  Since yesterday or maybe before actually, some of my keys, particularly the lovely "s" that I love to use for so many words, has not been detecting when I type it thus causing me to do it several times.  At first I thought, hey maybe it's a crumb.  This happens sometimes as I have been of the terrible and very bad habit of eating around my laptop.  I just don't like to take the time to eat properly alright.  I know it's a habit I need to get out of, but I don't really like taking those kind of breaks.

Unfortunately, it doe not seem to be a crumb.  It jut seems to be the key not wanting to work properly.  I don't know why.  I am really hoping that my laptop holds out for me though since right now I honestly can't afford to replace it.  I have to find a job first and unemployment is not enough to replace my laptop no matter how much I might or might not need a new one.

I also found the wonderful news that my parents are actually going to be coming down the first week of May.  They told me they were coming down in May but they never told me when.  They said they would get back to me.  Found out from my step-sister.  Thank you mom and dad who still do not know that I am currently unemployed.  I do not want them to know either.  I do not want to have that conversation.  I know how it will go and how it will end.  That kind of stress simply isn't worth it.  I've already been to the hospital once for throwing up blood, never again thank you!

So, as you can imagine I am having to write this post more carefully than normal since I have to catch every letter that doesn't want to type itself up.  It actually gets really annoying after a while.  Alright, it gets really annoying really quickly if I am going to be honest.  It makes me want to strangle and or beat my laptop but since I kind of need it, I am jut trying to remind myself to breath.  I mean it does still function so I shouldn't really complain that much.  Beside, this isn't my whining blog, this is my writing blog and I should be talking about that.

So tonight at midnight starts the April session of Camp NaNoWriMo and I have to say that I am very excited.  It's nice because you get to choose your own word count.  As I have no job and thus no life, I have decided to shoot for at least 85,000 words.  I'll actually be working on two stories so that should help but the problem is that I can only work on one at a time.  And of course you would ask: Now why would you do something like that?

Well, the answer is because they are book one and two of a series.  You see it making sense now?  You see, I am going back to a very old story idea.  It was actually originally a short story idea.  I was actually writing it for a contest at the time.  I was in love with the idea.  I had started it on paper and then started working on it solely on a computer.  At the time, I had no laptop of my own which makes it older than I originally though.  It puts it back to Spring of 2008, a year older than I thought.  Well, I kept the story on a flash drive I had received from the college I was attending.  One day whilst coming from Chapel, it was a Christian college, the flash drive must have fallen from my pocket and someone stole it because I never found it again.  It was devastating for me.

I still had the parts that I had diligently put on paper, but having lot all of that progress took a lot out of me and so I put the story to the side.  I also somehow managed to lose papers since 08 and now.  So basically I am starting this story from scratch and have decided to expand and enliven all of the characters and especially the original idea.  I can't believe I ever thought I could do it in less than 30,000 words.  Looking back now, I see that clearly the story simply wasn't ready.  It is the only reason that I can figure I must have lost it.  The characters were giving me a sign.

Actually I'm just saying that to make myself feel better.  Really it was utterly devastating   I hate losing any part of a story no matter the length of time.  But now it will have new life and hopefully I won't stab my laptop to death in the mean time.

Wish me luck!