So I decided to swing by my blog today when I realized that I have been failing miserably on my whole goal of writing in this blog once a week. In my own defense I have had some issues with my life that have come up lately, but honestly that should have pushed me closer to writing and not further from it. And I know that looking at it. Logically I can see that, but I guess logic isn't always something that we look at.
Over this last month I was laid off from my job. I loved it. But unfortunately the corporate office decided that there were too many people. None of us had done anything wrong. So they had to resort to the two of us who had been hired last and unfortunately I was one of them. And that has been really hard for me. I know that I have to find a new job, but I haven't been able to find anything.
I have applied, but I haven't been able to get a job yet. And it's affecting me. I know that it is. I didn't even cry or throw a fit when I was laid off. I think I've been burying it. I haven't felt anything at all about it. And I hate that. I know that I should be able to feel something. I know that I should have been upset. The other girl was and I wish that I could have been as well. But I have nothing. It's like I died a little inside instead.
I died and I haven't been able to admit it to myself.
And maybe that is why I haven't been able to get myself to write. I've been so worked up about what I lost and not knowing how to express it that I have virtually stopped writing. I guess I'm still doing some writing. I have been role-playing, but that isn't the same. And I know that. I think it helps that I have started a collaboration project lately. I'm part of a facebook group from a group of us from NaNoWriMo. Myself and one of the other women are working on a fantasy novel together and we have just meshed really well. We both have somehow managed to just combine our ideas brilliantly. It makes for a beautiful process.
And it's really encouraging me too. It makes me want to go back to my writing. That is why I decided that I am going to retry Milwordy. I was supposed to start back in January but I only made it a few days before my brain just kind of gave out on me. So it left me with about twenty-four thousand words for an entire month and that is a rather pathetic accomplishment. At least it is for me. I know that for other people it is really good and I am very proud of them. But for me I know that I can do better.
That's why I am going to be starting another blog. I'll still be using this one and trying to get back to the once a week posting of it. I think it helps me a lot. It helps me to get my thoughts in order since so much of my life revolves around writing. Besides, I like this blog. I enjoy being so frank and just getting to say what's on my mind. I can't really do that in real life. I don't think any of us can because we have to play parts or else we push everyone away. Sometimes because we're too honest and sometimes because we have to admit that they drive us insane.
My parents and my ex-boyfriend (God I wish that ex wasn't there) fit into two different categories there.
